Friday, March 22, 2019

Stuff Has Changed...and Not

So, it's been a few weeks.  I lost my Dad and my beloved dog/child, Ginger, within the same week.  That sucked.  I feel blessed that I was at my Dad's side throughout his passing, and incredibly guilty that I was not here in New Mexico to be with my husband for Ginger's passing.  It was basically the worst week ever.

Being an RN by the bedside of a person dying and being at the side of a person you love dying are two very different things.  Massively different.  My RN self got in the way of my daughter self grieving, and I think, still is.  I feel like I "got over" the death of my father way too fast, but in the last couple of weeks, realize that I haven't got over anything, and the sad and painful parts keep creeping in at that weirdest times and making me cry and scaring me.

So there's that.

We got a new dog, Maddie, who I adore.  She's a sweetheart, and she brings me great comfort and joy.

But I miss Ginger, and am still so sad that her ending was so sudden and that I wasn't here to hold her, or my poor husband who had to have her put down without me being here.

FUCKKKKKK.

It's been a really shitty March, ya'll.  I'll be back when I've got more of my shit together.


2 comments:

  1. So glad you posted--I've been thinking about you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I haven't been reading blogs for a bit but I have been thinking about you. I think it is one of the casualties of being a nurse. I am still grieving Richard and it's almost been 5 years. Sending you love and hugs. So sorry about your doggie too.

    ReplyDelete

I hate the whole moderating thing, so I'm going to try Captcha instead. We'll see. Let me know if you hate it.