Friday, October 23, 2020

Still Here...Stream of Consciousness

 I can't believe I haven't blogged since August.  Well, actually, I can.  I am slowly crawling my way out of the worst bout of depression I've had in YEARS.  After the joy of getting the house done, and hearing Mom's plans, it just smacked me down like a bitch.  That's what depression and anxiety are--a bitch.  I finally made the decision to fire the shrink I've never liked, who kept insisting I need drugs that I don't.  Found a lovely psychiatric nurse practitioner who said "I don't want to know what other providers think you have, let's start from scratch".  Halle-fucking-lujah!  Depression, anxiety,  OCD.  Drugs have been changed and after 2 months of this, I am finally starting to feel normal-ish.  At least I'm not crying 4 times a day and obsessing over the grout lines in my floor constantly.  Or crying and scrubbing the grout lines in my floor simultaneously.  Not a pretty picture, I know.

It's a process.  

Anyhow, I did manage to keep working through all of that, which is a miracle.  I also managed to get another class completed.  Type A's just keep rolling along, I suppose.

I am tired, though, and desperately need a vacation--I have been orienting people at work for what seems like forever and I'm sick of it.  I'm basically being voluntold to be the team lead, without the title or the pay, which boss lady swears is coming eventually.  Yeah, ain't holding my breath on that one.  

Next weekend we're heading up to Santa Fe for a socially distanced, masked-up mini-cay before I go to SC to pack and move Mom out here.  I'll be off work for the most of November and I can't WAIT.

I'm a bit freaked out about the whole flying thing.  Boss lady procured me an N95 mask from the hospital, which is much appreciated.  I've got a stash of KN95s as well.  I'm so fucking sick of COVID, like the rest of the world. 

Today, we're going to drive up the Jemez, and hopefully get some great pictures.  The cottonwoods are blazing gold right now--we'll get some takeout and go to our little favorite park and have lunch.  Picnics have been our savior.  We love to eat out, but I am not setting foot on a patio or in a restaurant until there's a vaccine.  Just ain't happening.  Every weekend we get takeout and have made it fun by trying new places and finding new parks.  I am amazed at just how many parks there are in the ABQ metro area.  We've got our favorites, though.  I love the one in the Bosque (that's the cottonwood forest that runs along the Rio Grande), and the little pocket park at the Veteran's Memorial (shade and a fountain!)

Maddie joins us on these adventures.  We call them "Madventures"


We started a walking program in September.  I think it's one of the things that started to help with the depression too.  Anyhow, we use an app called WoofTrax that tracks our walks and donates to our local shelter.  We are up to about 2 miles five days a week.  Maddie has lost 10 lbs!  She's no longer a potato, more like a tater tot.  The vet was thrilled at her annual check up.  I have not lost a jot of weight, but feel much better.  As does hubs.  So there's that.  

I'm doing a MUCH better job at self-care working remotely this time around than I did the last time.  I take breaks, and use my lunch hour for the walk.  I still get up and start work at a ridiculous hour, but no longer feel guilty about doing stuff like the walk.  The work gets done.  Fortunately, my job really isn't dependent on me being "on" for a particular set of hours, which is nice.  I like working at 430 in the morning, no emails and pings to distract me.

To all my readers (here's looking at you, Kwiz), have a fab weekend.  Maybe I'll drop back in for a meme....

1 comment:

  1. Oh man--your first paragraph about crawling out of the hole really speaks to me. And then, the self-care portion is huge, too. When I work from home I feel like I need to be accessible every minute to prove how hard I'm working. When you could just ask my students and they'd tell you. Ugh.

    Sending positive juju for your upcoming trip.

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